yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Green mimosas i think yes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
