Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
