Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The air taste purple.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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