woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
