FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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