I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I want is dick and wine.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
