Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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