if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
