Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
