soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
