the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
