I wanna passion pit in your ass
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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