i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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