he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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