you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
