Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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