Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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