I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
