After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
