Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
