i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
