If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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