Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
