i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
