Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
