Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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