if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
