Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
