What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
