I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
