is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
