Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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