Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
