Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
