Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
