Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
