the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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