I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just want to make out with him forever
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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