Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
