You're so nebulous sometimes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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