i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
