she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
