Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
