hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
