bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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