this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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