Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
