im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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