What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
