All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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