You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dick has a subreddit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
