My first STD was from a foam party
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
