I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
