me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
