why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
