U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
