I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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