so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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