just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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