Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Semen is not good for contacts.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
