he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
