First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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