oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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